Maple Walnut Energy Bars

What NOT to do when you have a bat trapped in your apartment:

Don't attempt to capture the bat by throwing a blanket over it while it's flying around your head. You will never catch that sonnabitch. It also may pee or poop on you. No fun. I don't even know what bat poop looks like and I never want to find out.

Don't let your dogs in the same room as the bat. The dogs will think it's a chew toy and will chase after the bat like it's life depended on it. For HOURS.

Don't try to remove the bat from the corner of a window with a pair of kitchen tongs. You will get bit and have to go to the ER for a rabies shot.  You may also turn into a vampire.

Don't stare into it's beady eyes. The bat will secure total mind control over you.

What TO DO when you have a bat in your house:

Put as many layers of clothing on as possible, including gloves and a winter hat, despite the fact that it's 92 degrees in your apartment. Carefully open the window, run out of the room and shut the door behind you.

While you wait for the killer vampire bat to quietly leave get the hell outta your bedroom, make some maple walnut energy bars. They take about 10 minutes to throw together, just enough time for the bat to realize that it's out of it's element and that it needs to reck-onize and fly back into the night.

You give the bat an extra 20 minutes, you know... just because, which is exactly how long it takes for these energy bars to firm up in the freezer.

You slowly open the door, in case the bat, in your absence, gave birth to 72 baby bats, and they are waiting on the other side of the door to kill you.

You peek around, realize the bat is gone and slam the window shut.

With all that energy expended you go enjoy yourself a shot of whiskey and an energy bar.

You deserve it.

Maple Walnut Energy Bars (makes 12 bars)
Slightly adapted from Muffin Tin Mania

1 1/2 c. rolled oats
1 c. chopped pitted dates
1/2 c. raisins
1/2 c. raw cashews
1/2 c. walnuts
1/3 c. sunflower seeds
2 T. ground flax seed
2 T. hemp seed
2 T. sesame seeds
couple pinches of sea salt
1/3 c. maple syrup
1/4 c. peanut butter (or any other nut butter)
1/4 c. raw cacao nibs (optional)

Lightly grease a 12 cup muffin tin with a little coconut oil (or any other neutral tasting oil).  This method will give you pretty decent sized energy "cups". However, you can skip this step and form the mixture into small bars or balls and then proceed with the recipe.
Place all ingredients except the peanut butter and maple syrup in a food processor and process until oats and nuts resemble fine crumbs. Add the peanut butter and maple syrup and blend until the mixture clumps together. Divide the mixture between the greased muffin cups and press down to firmly pack contents.
Place tray in the freezer for 20-30 minutes to harden up, then unmold and store in an airtight container in the fridge. If you made bars or balls, simply freeze on a cookie sheet and then transfer to an airtight container or wrap individually in saran wrap and store in the refrigerator.

Raw Pesto Pizza with Tapenade and Cashew Ricotta

Ok.. let's be real, this isn't a pizza.

Although pesto and tapenade can be found on a traditional pizza, the rest of the ingredients don't really bare any resemblance. The crust is made from buckwheat and flax, brazil nuts stand in for parmesan, and blended cashews make a creamy cheese substitute. 

I love pizza as much as the next person, especially when it's topped with shaved asparagus, butternut squash, or corn and zucchini. I've been cutting way back on my dairy and cheese consumption, so I figured this would be a tasty stand in.  Sure, I could have just piled a ton of vegetables on a pizza crust sans cheese but I wanted to do something a little different...

I've been on a bit of a raw food kick lately.. maybe it's the warmer(ish) weather, or the need to do a little internal spring cleaning, or the fact that summer is on it's way and I'm not sure if my ass is going to fit into my bikini.

I made some buckwheat and flax crackers the other day and decided to use some as a "pizza" crust base inspired by a raw pizza I used to make when I worked at Cafe Gratitude.

So... I whipped up a batch of tapenade using some kalamata olives, capers, garlic, parsley and a little olive oil. Then I made my go-to pesto consisting of spinach, basil, walnuts, olive oil, garlic and a little lemon. 

The restaurant made a delicious brazil nut parmesan which I used to sprinkle on everything.. just brazil nuts, a little garlic and a pinch of salt in the food processor. 10 seconds. Done.

For the cheese, I soaked some cashews for about 4 hours and blended them with a squeeze lemon and some salt thinning it out with a little water.

First I spread the crackers with a bit of the cashew cheese, followed by the tapenade and then the pesto. Then I added a generous sprinkle of the brazil nut parm and a handful of pea shoots.

Healthy.
Delicious.

Raw Food done right.