Sunday, July 29, 2012

Maple Walnut Energy Bars

What NOT to do when you have a bat trapped in your apartment:

Don't attempt to capture the bat by throwing a blanket over it while it's flying around your head. You will never catch that sonnabitch. It also may pee or poop on you. No fun. I don't even know what bat poop looks like and I never want to find out.

Don't let your dogs in the same room as the bat. The dogs will think it's a chew toy and will chase after the bat like it's life depended on it. For HOURS.

Don't try to remove the bat from the corner of a window with a pair of kitchen tongs. You will get bit and have to go to the ER for a rabies shot.  You may also turn into a vampire.

Don't stare into it's beady eyes. The bat will secure total mind control over you.

What TO DO when you have a bat in your house:

Put as many layers of clothing on as possible, including gloves and a winter hat, despite the fact that it's 92 degrees in your apartment. Carefully open the window, run out of the room and shut the door behind you.

While you wait for the killer vampire bat to quietly leave get the hell outta your bedroom, make some maple walnut energy bars. They take about 10 minutes to throw together, just enough time for the bat to realize that it's out of it's element and that it needs to reck-onize and fly back into the night.

You give the bat an extra 20 minutes, you know... just because, which is exactly how long it takes for these energy bars to firm up in the freezer.

You slowly open the door, in case the bat, in your absence, gave birth to 72 baby bats, and they are waiting on the other side of the door to kill you.

You peek around, realize the bat is gone and slam the window shut.

With all that energy expended you go enjoy yourself a shot of whiskey and an energy bar.

You deserve it.

Maple Walnut Energy Bars (makes 12 bars)
Slightly adapted from Muffin Tin Mania

1 1/2 c. rolled oats
1 c. chopped pitted dates
1/2 c. raisins
1/2 c. raw cashews
1/2 c. walnuts
1/3 c. sunflower seeds
2 T. ground flax seed
2 T. hemp seed
2 T. sesame seeds
couple pinches of sea salt
1/3 c. maple syrup
1/4 c. peanut butter (or any other nut butter)
1/4 c. raw cacao nibs (optional)

Lightly grease a 12 cup muffin tin with a little coconut oil (or any other neutral tasting oil).  This method will give you pretty decent sized energy "cups". However, you can skip this step and form the mixture into small bars or balls and then proceed with the recipe.
Place all ingredients except the peanut butter and maple syrup in a food processor and process until oats and nuts resemble fine crumbs. Add the peanut butter and maple syrup and blend until the mixture clumps together. Divide the mixture between the greased muffin cups and press down to firmly pack contents.
Place tray in the freezer for 20-30 minutes to harden up, then unmold and store in an airtight container in the fridge. If you made bars or balls, simply freeze on a cookie sheet and then transfer to an airtight container or wrap individually in saran wrap and store in the refrigerator.

No comments:

Post a Comment