Maple Walnut Energy Bars

What NOT to do when you have a bat trapped in your apartment:

Don't attempt to capture the bat by throwing a blanket over it while it's flying around your head. You will never catch that sonnabitch. It also may pee or poop on you. No fun. I don't even know what bat poop looks like and I never want to find out.

Don't let your dogs in the same room as the bat. The dogs will think it's a chew toy and will chase after the bat like it's life depended on it. For HOURS.

Don't try to remove the bat from the corner of a window with a pair of kitchen tongs. You will get bit and have to go to the ER for a rabies shot.  You may also turn into a vampire.

Don't stare into it's beady eyes. The bat will secure total mind control over you.

What TO DO when you have a bat in your house:

Put as many layers of clothing on as possible, including gloves and a winter hat, despite the fact that it's 92 degrees in your apartment. Carefully open the window, run out of the room and shut the door behind you.

While you wait for the killer vampire bat to quietly leave get the hell outta your bedroom, make some maple walnut energy bars. They take about 10 minutes to throw together, just enough time for the bat to realize that it's out of it's element and that it needs to reck-onize and fly back into the night.

You give the bat an extra 20 minutes, you know... just because, which is exactly how long it takes for these energy bars to firm up in the freezer.

You slowly open the door, in case the bat, in your absence, gave birth to 72 baby bats, and they are waiting on the other side of the door to kill you.

You peek around, realize the bat is gone and slam the window shut.

With all that energy expended you go enjoy yourself a shot of whiskey and an energy bar.

You deserve it.

Maple Walnut Energy Bars (makes 12 bars)
Slightly adapted from Muffin Tin Mania

1 1/2 c. rolled oats
1 c. chopped pitted dates
1/2 c. raisins
1/2 c. raw cashews
1/2 c. walnuts
1/3 c. sunflower seeds
2 T. ground flax seed
2 T. hemp seed
2 T. sesame seeds
couple pinches of sea salt
1/3 c. maple syrup
1/4 c. peanut butter (or any other nut butter)
1/4 c. raw cacao nibs (optional)

Lightly grease a 12 cup muffin tin with a little coconut oil (or any other neutral tasting oil).  This method will give you pretty decent sized energy "cups". However, you can skip this step and form the mixture into small bars or balls and then proceed with the recipe.
Place all ingredients except the peanut butter and maple syrup in a food processor and process until oats and nuts resemble fine crumbs. Add the peanut butter and maple syrup and blend until the mixture clumps together. Divide the mixture between the greased muffin cups and press down to firmly pack contents.
Place tray in the freezer for 20-30 minutes to harden up, then unmold and store in an airtight container in the fridge. If you made bars or balls, simply freeze on a cookie sheet and then transfer to an airtight container or wrap individually in saran wrap and store in the refrigerator.

Green Drank

As much as I love sitting down to a big 'ol bowl of greens, sometimes it's not always practical. As someone who is always on the go, a liquid lunch is an easy way to consume a large amount of fruit and vegetables, but without all of that dang chewing.

Now.. the difference between fresh juice and a green smoothie is the fiber content.  Juicing, removes all the fiber, but leaves you with a nutrient dense, power packed beverage that is easliy assimilated by the body, giving you a quick boost of energy. Smoothies on the other hand, retain their fiber, which is why they will leave you full, longer. I'll usually reach for a juice when I feel a cold coming on, or haven't been eating as healthy as I should, whereas a smoothie can take the place of lunch when I'm running around and need something to keep me going.

I like packing my smoothies with lots of goodness.  Fruit, greens, nuts and seeds, and superfoods like maca, spirulina and raw cacao.  Not only are these great for you body they can give you a serious boost. Throwing some greens in your smoothie is a great way to sneak some vegetables into your diet.

If you are new to the green smoothie phenomenon, start out slow. Add a small handful of spinach or chard to your next blended drink and then work your way up to heartier greens like kale. Most smoothies contain a good amount of fruit which easily masks the bitterness of most greens.

The green drank is the new purple drank. Jump on the bandwagon and get your green on!

Green Drank (makes one drink, approximately 16-20 oz.)

2 bananas
1/2 c. frozen mango
3/4c.-1 c. coconut water
3 leaves of kale, finely chopped
1 T. ground flax seed
2 T. hemp seeds
2 dates, pitted
2-3 ice cubes

Place everything in a blender. Blend until smooth and drink it up!

Spirulina Smoothie with Hemp and Flax Seed

Spirulina is a simple one celled form of algae that thrives in warm, alkaline fresh water bodies and is one of the most nutritious and concentrated food sources on the planet.
It is one of the few plant based sources of vitamin B12 (4 times higher than the amount in raw liver!), it's high in easily digestible protein, and is one of the best sources of GLA (gamma linolenic acid), an important acid for heart and joint health. It is high in minerals (including calcium, iron, magnesium, zinc, potassium and selenium), contains 18 amino acids, is rich in chlorophyll, boosts immunity and can assist in drawing heavy metals and toxins from your system.

Oh, yeah.....

Let's do this.

Spirulina Smoothie with Hemp and Flax Seed (makes 1- 16 oz. smoothie)

1/2-1 c. yerba mate (water or your favorite juice can be substituted with great results)
2 frozen bananas (just peel, cut into chunks, place in a pastic bag and freeze for at least 6 hours)
1 T. spirulina
1 T. raw honey
1 1/2 T. ground flax seed
2 T. hemp seeds

Place bananas, spirulina, hemp and flax seeds and honey in a blender. Add 1/2 c. yerba mate and blend. If your smoothie seems too thick, add more yerba mate until your smoothie is thick and creamy.

Spirulina Cacao Goji Treats

Superfood crackalicious balls of energy.

Yeah, we're about to get crazy here.

These tasty treats will give you superpowers.

No Joke.

O.K......Maybe they won't give you superpowers, but they WILL make you feel amazeballs, give you a boost of energy and supply your body with antioxidants, chlorophyll, omega 3 fatty acids, fiber, and a crapload of vitamins and minerals.

Spirulina Cacao Goji Treats (makes 6-8 balls)
From Meghan Telpner


1/2 c. raw cacao, ground to a coarse powder
1/4 c. goji berries, ground to a fine powder
1/4 c. hemp seeds
2 T. coconut oil (in liquid form)
2 T. honey
2 T. spirulina
1 T. chia seeds
1 T. rice bran
pinch of sea salt
1/4 t. vanilla extract


Mix all ingredients together thoroughly.
Roll 1-2 T. mixture into balls.
Freeze for 20 minutes.
Store in the fridge.