Maple Walnut Energy Bars

What NOT to do when you have a bat trapped in your apartment:

Don't attempt to capture the bat by throwing a blanket over it while it's flying around your head. You will never catch that sonnabitch. It also may pee or poop on you. No fun. I don't even know what bat poop looks like and I never want to find out.

Don't let your dogs in the same room as the bat. The dogs will think it's a chew toy and will chase after the bat like it's life depended on it. For HOURS.

Don't try to remove the bat from the corner of a window with a pair of kitchen tongs. You will get bit and have to go to the ER for a rabies shot.  You may also turn into a vampire.

Don't stare into it's beady eyes. The bat will secure total mind control over you.

What TO DO when you have a bat in your house:

Put as many layers of clothing on as possible, including gloves and a winter hat, despite the fact that it's 92 degrees in your apartment. Carefully open the window, run out of the room and shut the door behind you.

While you wait for the killer vampire bat to quietly leave get the hell outta your bedroom, make some maple walnut energy bars. They take about 10 minutes to throw together, just enough time for the bat to realize that it's out of it's element and that it needs to reck-onize and fly back into the night.

You give the bat an extra 20 minutes, you know... just because, which is exactly how long it takes for these energy bars to firm up in the freezer.

You slowly open the door, in case the bat, in your absence, gave birth to 72 baby bats, and they are waiting on the other side of the door to kill you.

You peek around, realize the bat is gone and slam the window shut.

With all that energy expended you go enjoy yourself a shot of whiskey and an energy bar.

You deserve it.

Maple Walnut Energy Bars (makes 12 bars)
Slightly adapted from Muffin Tin Mania

1 1/2 c. rolled oats
1 c. chopped pitted dates
1/2 c. raisins
1/2 c. raw cashews
1/2 c. walnuts
1/3 c. sunflower seeds
2 T. ground flax seed
2 T. hemp seed
2 T. sesame seeds
couple pinches of sea salt
1/3 c. maple syrup
1/4 c. peanut butter (or any other nut butter)
1/4 c. raw cacao nibs (optional)

Lightly grease a 12 cup muffin tin with a little coconut oil (or any other neutral tasting oil).  This method will give you pretty decent sized energy "cups". However, you can skip this step and form the mixture into small bars or balls and then proceed with the recipe.
Place all ingredients except the peanut butter and maple syrup in a food processor and process until oats and nuts resemble fine crumbs. Add the peanut butter and maple syrup and blend until the mixture clumps together. Divide the mixture between the greased muffin cups and press down to firmly pack contents.
Place tray in the freezer for 20-30 minutes to harden up, then unmold and store in an airtight container in the fridge. If you made bars or balls, simply freeze on a cookie sheet and then transfer to an airtight container or wrap individually in saran wrap and store in the refrigerator.

Raw Brownies

It's hot and sticky.  The AC has been running for three days straight and you've been craving brownies.  Not popcicles, or ice cream or anything else that would actually COOL you down. Brownies.

But.. making brownies means turning on the oven, and that ain't gonna happen.
You consider just eating a handful of chocolate chips, but really... how is that going to satsify a craving for brownies.

It's not.. and you will end up with melted chocolate all over your hands.

So then, you put two and two together.  Why not make a RAW brownie?  An ultra fudgy, gulit free, super healthy, gluten and refined sugar free, vegan raw brownie. They look like brownies and taste like brownies but require no oven, just a food processor and five minutes.

These sweet treats are packed full of walnuts, dates, raw cacao, and dried cherries. They are high in protein, fiber, rich in antioxidants, vitamins and minerals.  They're sinfully rich and dense, curbing the desire to devour the entire pan(which I've done many a time with regular 'ol brownies).  Enjoy as a sweet treat after dinner, or crumble some on top of ice cream for a more decadent dessert. Dessert that's actually GOOD for you....

Raw Brownies (makes 9- 2" brownies)
From my dear friend Jane, via " Raw For Dessert" by Jennifer Cornbleet

1 1/2 c. walnuts
small pinch of sea salt
8 dates
1/3 c. raw cocoa powder
1/4 c. raw cacao nibs
1/4 c. dried cherries
1 t. water

Place walnuts and salt in a food processor and pulse until they resemble fine crumbs. Add dates and mix until it comes together  Add cocoa powder, cacao nibs, dried cherries and water and mix until well combined. Press into a pie plate or small baking dish (I used a tupperware container) and cut into small squares and refrigerate until firm. 
Keep refrigerated.

Oatmeal Chia Chocolate Balls

It's 8:27 p.m.
You are craving chocolate (more specifically, chocolate chip cookies) like nobodys business.

Option number 1:  Throw on several layers of clothes (hey, it's cold out there) and haul ass to the grocery store, only to lose your parking spot, having to park four blocks away upon your return.

Option number 2: Beg your significant other or housemate to go the store for you. Bribe them.

Option number 3: Peel your butt of the couch and make these oatmeal chia chocolate balls! They take around 10 minutes from start to finish and are loads healthier than eating the real deal.

I'm not going to lie and say these taste like chocolate chip cookies, 'cause they don't. If you are expecting a sugar/white flour/butter bomb (which I do love on occasion) then these aren't for you.

But... if you are looking for something quick to satisfy that sweet tooth, that is actually healthy for you, and isn't a piece of fruit, then these are the treats for you!


Let's talk superfoods.

We've got dates, oats, raw cacao, chia seeds and some lucuma powder.

Dates are a great source of fiber and contain high amounts of potassium, magnesium, and B vitamins. They are also a great natural source of energy as they have natural food based sugar like glucose, sucrose and fructose, making them perfect when you need a quick boost without the crash.

Oats help to lower cholesterol, boost immuinity and help stabilize blood sugar. They contains loads of soluble fiber and contain high amounts of vitamin E, zinc, selenium, iron and magnesium and have a good amount of protein. Now you know why you start your day with a bowl of oatmeal!

Raw cacao (unprocessed chocolate) contains high amounts of anti-oxidants and is one of the best sources of magnesium (which happens to be the most deficient mineral in the diet of modern cultures. Magnesium helps to relax muscles, improve digestion and is benefical to the heart and cardiovascular system. Chocolate gets a bad reputation for causing weight gain, cavities and diabetes, which only occurs when you add dairy, sugar and other fillers.  Chocolate in it's unprocessed form, however can help you LOSE weight (because of it's high chromium content) prevent cavities (theobromine actually kills one of the strains of bacteria that causes tooth decay) and can regulate blood sugar (again, due to the chromium content) which is beneficial for diabetes.

Chia seeds (ch-ch-ch chia) are the best source of omega 3 fatty acids with high amounts of calcium, protein, fiber, antioxidants and other vitamins and minerals. They help improve stamina, digestion and help reduce cravings because of their high levels of soluble fiber.

Lucuma powder is made from the subtropical fruit of the pouteria lucuma tree native to Peru and Equador. It has a sweet, almost butterscoth like flavor and is high in calcium, magnesium and potassium and iron. It has anti-inflammatory properties and helps boost immunity.



Oatmeal Chia Chocolate Bites (makes 8 balls, or 16 little bites)
Adapted from Tasty-yummies


6 Medjool dates, pitted and chopped
1 1/4 c. oats
1/3 c. raw cacao nibs
1 T. chia seeds
1/2 t. lucuma powder (optional)
2 T. honey
1/4 t. vanilla extract
1-2 T. water (if needed)


Place the pitted chopped dates in the food processor with 1 T. water and the vanilla extract and process to create a uniform paste, scraping down the sides, as needed. If the mixture seems a little dry, add a bit more water.
Add 1 c. of the oats, chia seeds, honey, and lucuma (if using) and process until combined. Add the raw cacao nibs and the remaining 1/4 c. oats and pulse to combine. If the dough seems too dry, add a bit more water. If it's too goopy add a bit more oats.


Roll mixture into balls with the palms of your hands (I used 1 T. for the small bites and 2 T. for the larger ones). Allow them to chill for 20 minutes in the frige before digging in.
Store in an airtight container for up five days in the refigerator.

Easy.

Now go and satisfy that craving with zero effort and zero guilt.

Spirulina Cacao Goji Treats

Superfood crackalicious balls of energy.

Yeah, we're about to get crazy here.

These tasty treats will give you superpowers.

No Joke.

O.K......Maybe they won't give you superpowers, but they WILL make you feel amazeballs, give you a boost of energy and supply your body with antioxidants, chlorophyll, omega 3 fatty acids, fiber, and a crapload of vitamins and minerals.

Spirulina Cacao Goji Treats (makes 6-8 balls)
From Meghan Telpner


1/2 c. raw cacao, ground to a coarse powder
1/4 c. goji berries, ground to a fine powder
1/4 c. hemp seeds
2 T. coconut oil (in liquid form)
2 T. honey
2 T. spirulina
1 T. chia seeds
1 T. rice bran
pinch of sea salt
1/4 t. vanilla extract


Mix all ingredients together thoroughly.
Roll 1-2 T. mixture into balls.
Freeze for 20 minutes.
Store in the fridge.

Rawsome Banana Cacao Ice Cream

Holy amazeballs this stuff is no joke.

Banana ice cream has been all the rage lately. I mean what could be easier than throwing some frozen bananas in a food processor and having a creamy treat in less than five minutes.
I decided to give it a go, but wanted something a little more decadent.

I mixed together some unrefined coconut oil, raw cacao powder, raw cacao nibs and some honey to transform this dessert into a superfood treat!

Coconut oil has gotten a bad reputation for being unhealthy since it contains saturated fat.  However, most of the saturated fat in coconut oil is easily digestible and turned into quick energy, and therefore is less likely to cause obesity.  It has also been shown to have anti-microbal benefits and can boost immunity.

RAW cacao is known as food of the gods and is actually one of the healthiest foods on earth.  No joke. It has one of the highest levels of antioxidants on the planet.  It lowers blood pressure and can prevent heart disease.  It has more magnesium than any other food (the one mineral westerners are most deficient in). Magnesium helps to reduce stress, relaxes the muscles and builds strong bones and teeth. It also makes me feel amazing!! After consuming raw cacao I feel more energetic, like a great coffee buzz but without the crash.

RAW honey is anti- bacterial, ani- microbal and anti- fungal.  It boosts immunity, is great for ulcers and aids digestion and has anti-cancer properties.  A spoonful of local raw honey is also great for those of us that suffer from seasonal allergies.

So... now that you know how good the stuff is.. Let's do this!

Fun with science:
Coconut oil is solid below 76 degrees and turns liquid at any temperature above that. When the liquidy coconut cacao mixture hits the ice cold banana puree it instantly turns solid.  Hello, magic shell!!!

Rawsome Banana Cacao Ice Cream (serves 2-4)

5 bananas, peeled, cut into pieces and frozen for at least 12 hours

Magic shell:
1/4 c. coconut oil (if your coconut oil is solid, heat it gently till it becomes liquified)
1/4 c. raw cacao powder
1 T. raw cacao nibs
1 T. raw honey

In a small bowl mix together the coconut oil, cacao powder, nibs and honey.
Meanwhile, place the chopped frozen bananas in a food processor and give it a whirl, scraping down the sides every thirty seconds or so (it took about five minutes to get a creamy texture).  When the texture is nice and smooth, add in half of your "magic shell" ingredients and pulse a couple times to incorporate.  Divide the ice cream between bowls and top with the remaining shell mixture.  Dig in and prepare for a serious energy boost!

Next time I'm totally adding peanut butter.  Just sayin'.